Earlier this morning, I reached an absolute conclusion.  Granted, these days it is hard to find anyone willing to declare that anything is absolute truth, but I am here to say, yes, there are some absolutes!  The one I nailed down this morning is this: one should never attempt to clean the area beneath one’s pull-out garbage/trash can in one’s (or anyone else’s) kitchen!  Just take my word for it: do not go there.  Rush to your nearest motel and confiscate a door hanger that says, “Do Not Disturb”, or better yet, if you are having a rush of creativity, make your own.  The urgency here is to get it firmly affixed in the most visible spot possible and respect its warning!

    You see, this morning I decided to whip up a dessert.  Simple.  New recipe. Responded without incident to similar impulses before.  Not that we were going to be allowed to touch it in its final form, you understand, but sometimes just whipping one up satisfies that yearning to make something forbidden!  So, in doing so, a small amount of cream (subbed with canned milk) was called for – naturally, that left the majority of the milk in the can, just hanging out, enjoying the moment.  I, never dreaming that Mrs. Grace would appear out of nowhere and knock the can off the counter, assumed it would rest in fine style right there on the counter until I could store it more appropriately.  Not!  Hindsight: never assume anything about anything.

    As alluded to, in a few moments, someone (FYI, I was the only visible, breathing being in the kitchen) showed up and decided to involuntarily bump the can and it began to spread the joy!  The cream began its journey, creeping around on the counter, drizzling down the cabinet, into the cutlery drawer, and on to the final leg of its journey, finally settling down on the floor!  Of course, there was plenty left over to adequately moisten the rug in front of the sink and enough left over to make a sufficient pool, as well.  Spread the wealth! Oh, yes!  No space was spared, or to use a paraphrase of a well-known saying, “No spot was left behind!”

          
    Further investigating the disaster, I pulled out the drawer that hides/reveals the trash can, and just happened to glance at the bottom of the cabinet floor which is usually covered by the can, right?   And, of course, this area is easily - innocently -overlooked, intentionally overlooked, and ignored, and put off, and considered off-limits at all costs, but this morning before I could blink, there it was - exposed in all its glory!  All of a sudden, indescribable debris and other unidentifiable bits of somethings that existed in another life were right there, in my line of vision, and for all to see!  For a moment I became a believer in reincarnation! Talk about a Gotcha moment! That blamed milk!

    Of course, I had to remove the trash can entirely from its holding frame, revealing even more treasures, grab some cleaner (with bleach!), wad some paper towels, and assume the position of an accomplished contortionist in order to reach the whatevers that had retreated to the farthest possible corners.  Silly things did not want to be disturbed, thank you very much!  I persisted, with my broom handle, rolled up paper towels, and armed with my mighty bleach!  Let the flexing begin! I might have been wounded, but this is one battle I won!  Amazingly, I was even able to get up off the floor, an amazing feat on its own, seeing how I seldom view the world from that posture.   Surely, there was something else I could have done while “down there”, but before rigor mortis set in, I somehow managed to arise and collect my wits.

          The moral of this little blog is 3-fold:  First and foremost, do not attempt to make, fashion, blend, prepare, or even think about anything that you know is illegal, no matter how appealing it might sound or taste in your imagination; and second, if (when!) disaster strikes, make sure you find a way to blame it on someone else – the dog, the husband, the neighbors (mine are far too nice), the cat, the canary, the gold fish; anything or anyone that you can think of!  Third, and perhaps a rival for number one, by all means, never look into, or behind, anything that is none of your business, anyways.  If you do, I promise: you will not be disappointed!

          I pondered on this little fiasco this morning, after sufficiently beating up on myself for my own clumsiness, and was reminded that perhaps there is a spiritual application here.  Once we begin to do some serious spiritual “cleaning and clearing of debris” in the corners and crevices of our hearts and souls, the Lord will reveal more and more of the areas we were sure that we had sealed off a long time ago, exposing those hiding places that we hoped would never be disturbed.  Too often, we have plastered a Do Not Disturb sign on those private places, and seldom dare let Him enter there.  But when we do, we’ll love that clean, fresh feeling! And this is an absolute truth!

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
Ps. 51:10